True or False: Compatibility = Similarity

Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, 1939

Update: Mr. Cheap over at Four Pillars has been running a series of posts on love and money last week and this week. I have really been enjoying them. You might too!

We continue our Love & Money series today with a look at compatibility. How compatible are you and your partner? Does compatibility mean similarity, or do opposites attract? There has been a lot written about how important choosing a partner is to your life and your money. It’s also really important that we get this stuff ironed out well before we make a lifetime commitment, or at least before we combine our finances with another person’s.

Give Me a C . . .

For some reason, almost every compatibility metric I thought about for this post seemed to start with a ‘c’ (copy vs. contrary, etc.). So let’s go with that and look at some of these c’s:

Competitive vs. Cooperative: Is there any area or group of areas where you and your partner compete or do you work cooperatively on most issues? Competition isn’t necessarily a bad thing depending on your individual personalities. It can, however, be damaging if feelings start to get hurt or misunderstood. It’s like your mother told you: “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.”

Core Values vs. Competencies: Does your partner have the same outlook on life, personality traits, or views on the big issues like politics, religion, money and children? Do you clash on one or more of these issues regularly? How big are the differences? Do you differ on minor details or major philosophical viewpoints? Or do you share mostly the same values, but differ substantially on the skills each of you brings to your life together? Maybe your partner doesn’t like to cook, but is great at balancing a budget. Maybe you hate the idea of doing laundry, but you are great at organizing stuff.

Me & Mr. C.

I don’t like to compete with anyone but myself, so I will always choose cooperation over competition. Mr. Cents is definitely more competitive, but I won’t let him compete with me. We are extremely alike in all but the smallest details of all of the core values, but we possess vastly different skill sets, and I would go so far as to say that we have, in some ways, very different approaches to life.

Mr. Cents is a very pragmatic, results-oriented “get ‘er done” kind of guy, whereas I will think stuff to death. Mr. Cents is very organized in terms of our physical environment. He does clutter control. My desk is a testament to the fact that I don’t share that particular skill.

I organize the kids, both physically and emotionally. Patience isn’t one of Mr. Cents’ strong points. I also keep (or try to) the internal, emotional tenor of our household on an even keel. I wear the black and white striped shirt and carry a whistle and a white flag at all times.

Mr. Cents is very quick with numbers, but once he actually fell asleep during a meeting with our financial planner (really). I handle all the gory details of our home economics, but he carries the burden of earning the income.

He can’t even stand the thought of dusting, so that’s my thing. (For the record, I hate it too. I just hate it a little less.) I handle almost all of the cooking, cleaning and domestic duties, but Mr. Cents isn’t averse to jumping in to help when required – unless it’s dusting, in which case we’ll all just have to wear face masks until I get to it.

Mr. Cents is very handy and extremely detail-oriented when it comes to fixing and maintaining our stuff. That saves us quite a bit of money. I’m a meticulous shopper, always planning our spending and looking for a good deal whenever possible. Both of us hate shopping.

If I had to choose one word to sum up our compatibility, it would be another ‘c’: complementary. Our skill sets, though very different, work very well together. I’m really glad Mr. Cents knows about cars (except when he spends copious amounts of time washing them), and he’s glad I’m willing to research those boring old GIC rates (except when I try to explain the bond market).

There’s just one more ‘c’ that I want to bring up and that’s complacency. It’s good to remind ourselves once in a while that we’re lucky to have someone to share a life with, for however long that life might be. It’s surely nothing to take for granted.

Which c’s apply to you and your partner? Are you competitive, cooperative, or complementary?